i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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