morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
When did we convert life to cartoon?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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