too bad you live with your parents still
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
