but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
