Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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