Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
