There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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