I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
