...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
