Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize