Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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