Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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