A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
