i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
