Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
