Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
