You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
