I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
