You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
