Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
