Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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