Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
