so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
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