Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
