I'm lost and stupid without you.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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