Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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