Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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