Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
