well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
