where does the pee come out of this thing
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
BRING THE BAGELS
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
