If that was your dad, he is hot
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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