nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
