I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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