I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
