ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
