I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
