Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
