Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I think people are normalizing furries
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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