I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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