If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
