You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
