i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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