Swine flu. Run for my life!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
