Kiss
Puke
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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