So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
