thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
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Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
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A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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