we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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