Hey man sorry I got all grabby
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
she smelled like a LAN party
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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