well I can't set my house on fire every night
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
