Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
