Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
