what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
