I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
