dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
