did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
