I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Please, let me fuck your mom
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
