We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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