he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
