Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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