I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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