we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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